The 'Other M' is for 'Might Be Amazing'

The Power Beam is the only third-person shooter weapon that never needs a new coat of paint. 
 

You can't hate Team Ninja too much; they're just trying to give people what they want. That typically includes: Blood, gore, carnage, beheading, dismembering, disemboweling, and half-assed, poorly-photoshopped HUDs. They are also kings of rendering women with breasts that put Newtonian physics to shame and hyper-masculine men whose spit could melt concrete. They're just so effervescent—so overflowing with the desire to please—that everything they touch turns to kitsch. 

But this time, Team Ninja's Freudian bloodlust and Nintendo's ultra-pasteurized penchant for the warm and fuzzy has concocted this rich, new blend:
 

Oh, oh. Just look at that classic side-scrolling action—that third-person, mad-dashing, screw-attacking, platforming goodness. Look at all your favorite baddies re-rendered for Wii. Look at how other people LIVE AND THRIVE in the Metroid universe. Listen to Samus Aran speak. SPEAK.

Laservision will knock you flat on your ass, as laservision is wont to do.
 

You are totally justified in thinking, "That Ridley fight is so going to be a quick time event." It may smack of a Lemon-Lime Sprite commercial for about 10 seconds, but you'll forget to obey your thirst when you watch what follows: 

Mysterious, all too eerie, theatrical footage of Samus watching Samus on planet Hoth, "Attestation Success" of the "Living Body Arms Development Lab," and that Metroid jingle—those six little notes—that makes your skin crawl. 

Oh, Ninj'endo, stop this. You're spoiling us—spoiling us like filthy rotten bastards.

It takes some serious cojones to call yourself "Samus Aran" while wearing a tulip hairpin.
 

Intrigue!